Planning Communication for Dudes and Bros

Unfortunately, women just insist on speaking about stuff sometimes. We all know them. Women who speak. It’s a perpetual problem in planning. The crazy cat ladies. The old bats who insist on speaking. The feminazis who demonstrate their unrelenting hatred for all men by believing women deserve good treatment.

And women have these squeaky little voices that aren’t pleasant to listen to like deep fabulous man voices. And then, these squeaky-voiced women speak about stuff. Might they be qualified or have a point? Of course not!

Thus in good collaborative governance, it’s really important that women not speak about stuff. If women speak about stuff, there’s a chance that they, with their squeaky little voices going on and on, will take time away from a Dude who needs to speak about His Important Stuff. We can’t lose focus like that. Time is a-wastin’!

So what to do when confronted with the problem of women speaking about stuff?

1) Don’t panic. Women have been trying to speak about stuff for most of history. Silencing them is one of the coolest features of the patriarchy.

2) Chances are, some speaking woman knows she’s not supposed to be speaking about stuff. A high-spirited gal might try it anyway. Glares and stares often serve to remind them that speaking about stuff isn’t their role. Listening is their role. Accommodating and validating is their role. Soon, most women shut right up and go back to thinking about how they might better support and admire the More Important Ideas of Other People.

3) Be broadminded and generous. Even the best gal might forget her place now and then.

4) Occasionally, there are women who just won’t take a hint. How embarrassing for everybody!

4.a) Sometimes, it’s important to just ignore the trivial issues they blather on about, if they’re not taking too much time. The smart ones will notice that nobody cares to hear their jibber jabber–so long as you send the right signals. Women raised properly should know that your approval matters more than their agency or self-determination. If you look away, sigh loudly, and cross your arms, that helps remind women that you don’t approve of their speaking about stuff.

The exceptionally slow or stubborn may need you to roll your eyes for them to get it.

4.b) For those obdurate and unmanageable women who really don’t know the Rules should be subjected to verbal abuse when they step out of line and speak about stuff.

It is important that you cloak this verbal abuse as well as possible because it’s gotten harder, in the politically correct liberal world we live in, to just tell women to shut up when they should, objectively, shut up. Here are a few things you should imply in your nicely cloaked but still fully intended and equally vicious verbal abuse:

4.b.1) the moral wrongness of her speaking at all;
4.b.2) the moral wrongness of her even thinking that people care what she thinks about stuff;
4.b.3) the very real possibility that, in speaking about stuff, she has been tacky or inelegant and otherwise unpleasing to men, and thus, A Very Bad Woman Indeed; and
4.b.4) the abject stupidity she has for thinking she might think of something a man hasn’t already though of, much better than her, a long time ago.

Verbal abuse laid out in this way should enable you to shame and silence the more obdurate speaking women.

With patience and firm commitment to their training, women can, indeed, learn to participate quietly in the holy order of maintaining the shitty status quo.